I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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