I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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