I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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