Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
