Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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