And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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