I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
