You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
