if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
