she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
