He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
