Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
