i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dignity is for republicans.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
