Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
