NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
