Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I deserve this hangover.
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