brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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