you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
