What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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