Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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