she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
