I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
