I wanna passion pit in your ass
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
