so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
