a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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