Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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