I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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