i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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