It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
