rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
