We're facebook friends in real life
wakey wakey hands off snakey
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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