Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
