And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
