May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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