Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
