Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
