Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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