every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
