Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
