i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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