I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
