I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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