So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
