I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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