Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
