I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
