Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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