I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
