She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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