did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
