I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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