If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
