No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love you. Go after that dick
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
