I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
People in love make me want to vomit
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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