sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
