This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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